VARIATIONS ON THE DEATH OF SUICIDE. Nikolaj The Great

Nikolaj was undoubtedly a surreal young man. This is where the art of storytelling comes in, and depending on the perception of the reader, this story plays out quite differently.

What i can say with definity is that, if I would not have met a young man called Nikolay about two years ago at a street music festival, I would have probably killed myself a few days later.

Rendezvous with Pan

Within this storyboard all of Nikolaj’s action are initiated for the sole purpose of a romantic gain. This would entail that all of the things he said to me, as seemingly sincere as they were, should not be taken seriously. The art of flirting implies, presenting oneself in the best possible light, and seldom the best possible light is the truthful light. Within this storyboard, I leave the situation fooled and tricked and his friends are nothing but an accessory to make him appear approachable. He stands as a 23 year old young man that is charismatic yet manipulative. The attention and compliments are not sincere and I leave the situation as a unmemorable conquest in his eyes.

Demon who pretends to be Human:

In this story, the roles switch. I am no longer a scared little girl, but instead a chance of redemption.Nikolaj is hurt. His life story consists  of a range of horrid events, which he avoids to deal with. He masks himself by relying on his friends. He loves them more than anything and would gladly let his hand fall of and burn burn burn for them. Seeing me, in pain, reminds him of himself without the help of his friends. He helped me in order for himself to feel like he can cause change. And sometimes that is all someone needs. His life is full of contradictions that he puts upon himself. He is working on himself, trying to change himself thus seeing me change supported him.  I show up alone without the support that caused him not to be me. He is happy but hurt.

Surreal and Naive Mythology:

The human error. Nikolaj  could be like anyone else that is troubled. And all this is, is indeed a young female believing she is in dear need of saviour. She makes an average person into a hero. Nikolaj is the person that listened to me and I interpreted into something No magic, just a young  person being inspired at whatever can be exaggerated into a bigger picture.

As silly as this thought process seems, I am willing to go deeper than that. As meaningless as it is, what really happened and whose intentions define whom. As Ecclesiastes said “ The simulacrum is never that which conceals the truth—it is the truth which conceals that there is none. The simulacrum is true.” I am happy to say that i am less obsessed about what the image or better said shadow-puppet of Nikolaj really depicted, yet i cannot help but find myself thinking about how to rewrite this experience as  best as I can.