For I had hoped

For I had hoped to be his desperate L*****
with delicate curls and made up lips
I had hoped that Nabokov’s prose
would consume him as it had consumed me
but he heard harsh sound as I
read a flowing monologue of obsession
while my monologue flowed with obsession
as I wanted him through a veil
inhaling what once connected us
in the room where I hid from
his fetishized contaminated breath
exactly a year ago, when he wanted me
through the same veil I see him through
Desperation in darkness
forced liquid from my eyes as
he lay, higher than a cloud from
that gift that I so generously gave to him,
with a whole hearted confession
He replied with silence, and I lay higher
than his souring clouds, still waiting
for us to fall at the same time
So I can once more, be his desperate L*****

by Jacqueline Lucas, 17, John F. Kennedy School, Berlin Germany